It’s all about the Gentleman.

I buy The Sunday Times every single Sunday (namely for the style magazine  – THERE I admitted it) but – to my horror- my local newsagent had sold out this Sunday (and I was of course far too hungover to walk the extra 5 minutes to the Co-op). I decided to ‘settle’ for The Observer.

I AM A CONVERT.

Anyway, in the relationships section there was a short little piece entitled

Let’s stick together Lessons in love from long-term couples’ [link below]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/oct/24/lets-stick-together-long-term-couples

Oh it is just the most endearing little piece. I actually welled up when reading it. Then again, I get teary when I see an old couple all dressed up nicely, holding hands (him in a suit, her in a dress and gloves). Especially when the man (or should I say, gentleman) holds down the ladies seat on the bus. Gets me every time.

I am an old romantic at heart. Relationship success stories such as Ted and May Johnson’s are addictive. I ADORE THEM. Nowadays it is very hard to find nice lovely couples that aren’t either a) locked away in an upstairs room somewhere or b) crying and whingeing and ‘accidentally’ spilling pints on one another.

For this I blame men (I often find myself coming to this conclusion).

What has happened to the nice men like Ted, who chatted to you at the dancehall and probably walked you home without so much as a “can I come in for a ‘coffee’…”?

At a club recently, dancing to Elvis (faves), a guy thought it appropriate to initiate contact by twisting his sneaky crotch right in to mine and winking. When I backed off he looked shocked and enquired “Oh, what’s wrong? Don’t you like the twist?”, to which I replied “LOVE IT”, and twisted far across to the other side of the room.

THIS IS WHAT WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IN THE PRESENT. It is dire.

I’m not wishing for top hats, or Colin Firth in that lake (I am), but still – just plain, simple manners will do. A lot of men are seriously lacking.

On the bus a few weeks ago, a young guy gave up his seat for a female who wasn’t pregnant, old or disabled, she was just a woman. Some feminists might have protested “we are equals!! I don’t need your seat!”, but I’m not kidding, I could feel the entire population of females on the bus swoon. Me included. And he wasn’t even remotely good-looking. He was a little genius though – manners are IT.

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Women hate me because I’m a complete dick

I read an article in Grazia the other day that bugged me and got me thinking. The article in question was written by a woman called Sammi and was entitled –

‘WOMEN HATE ME BECAUSE I’M BEAUTIFUL’

Basically

  • she got sacked from a job for “distracting male employees” and “wearing too much make-up”
  •  only ever has male friends
  • made the girlfriends of the men she hung out with “paranoid”

 Now she’s started to really appreciate her looks and has gone in to modelling etc.

I agreed with the article in the sense that some women do feel threatened by attractive females, but if that woman is a kind, funny and genuine person, appearance is neither here nor there.

Here is a quote from the article that made laugh

“A lot of women seem to think that being good-looking means you don’t need friends”

I’m pretty sure no woman thinks this. I’m also pretty sure that writing the article won’t gain her any of the female friends she so ‘desperately’ wants. But oh wait yes, at least she gets the money. Sorted.

Maybe it’s a joke article? Or maybe it’s just a self-obsessed wannabe writing a load of bollocks.

Whatever it is – sorry Sammi, women don’t hate you because you’re beautiful, they hate you because you’re a prick.

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Snog, Marry… AVOID

After watching a group of rugby players try to apply make-up on This Morning and laughing my pants off, I started to wonder how many straight males I know that wear make-up. I know openly of none. But secretly? Could I imagine any waking and starting their morning ritual with a magnifying mirror, a bottle of Olay and some Maybelline Mousse? I definitely could not. The rugby players on the telly certainly made it clear they found it all a big joke, but went along with it like good sports. Good MANLY sports. Am I being old-fashioned when I say; DON’T WEAR MAKE-UP YOU SILLY PUFF?

Well, now I feel like an old man from the twenties. But to me, make-up emasculates straight men. I can deal with the ‘metro sexual’ but I cannot deal with this

To me, the only straight men who can pull off make-up are

or

Right, now that’s settled, I’ve found this really good online game called Zac Efron Dress Up. It’s kind of brilliant. My Zac has pink contact lenses and a cowboy hat. BABE. http://www.freeonlinegames.com/fun-games/zac-efron-dress-up.html

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I am always Team Jolie

Women in the public eye that I LOVE.

Daisy Lowe

-Here’s a link to a video she has done for Palladium http://www.vimeo.com/13546867  She is a dolly.

Angelina Jolie

She is KICK-ASS and rescues children and has Brad Pitt under the thumb.

Jerry Hall

She was a Warhol muse and is just dead good.

Jane Birkin

She is effortless.

 Linking in with Jane Birkin, there’s a new film out about Serge Gainsbourg that I want to see.  Seems to me though, that the only extraordinary thing about him was how he managed to pull such iconic women. I guess he did have that frenchy- smokey-slouching-in-corners sexiness going on though.  Here’s the trailer >

And I will get a Birkin bag one day, even if it kills me.

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‘LOL’

When I lived in Manchester a few years back, me and my flatmate were idly flicking through the TV channels when we found possibly one of the best programmes ever made.

Stupid (CBBC) is the funniest kids show I think I’ve ever seen. I don’t make a habit of watching CBBC but after stumbling across this gem we were hooked.

Maybe you need a certain sense of humour (a ‘stupid’ one) to find it funny, I don’t know. But I’ve just spent the past hour watching clips of it on YouTube and literally peeing myself laughing. I almost want to re-enact some of the sketches they do. Especially Devil Finger. I also LOVE The Gran who keeps ‘Dying’ – in which a young guy has to keep putting up with his Gran playing dead in order to trick him. ULTIMATE.

Is it wrong that I want series 1 & 2 on DVD?

– Check out some of the other characters at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stupid!

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Staying power

For the second book of my summer I chose The Book of Negroes, by Lawrence Hill. At uni I had been getting so used to reading essays and criticisms that it felt SO GOOD to finally settle on to the sofa and read an actual story.

This one revolves around the heroine of the book, Aminata Diallo, and is a moving tale of her capture by African slavers and the life she was forced to live under the exploitive regime of the wealthy white’s in North America. Hill has created a fiery, memorable character with Aminata, and her story is one of such cruelty and tragedy, that it was a heart-wrenching novel to read.

I was already familiar with the history of the West African slave trade, but reading about it from the point of view of someone who suffered first hand, even fictional, was hugely moving – and at times – unimaginable, yet we know it to be true. At the start of the novel I was unaware that there is an actual book entitled ‘The Book of Negroes’, and it is a list made by British and American inspectors of all the Black passengers who boarded the British ships leaving New York in 1783. There is a small photocopy of a page from this ‘book’ in the back of the novel –

Although Hill’s story is about human suffering at the hands of others, the main feeling I got from the book was one of endurance and survival. It was painful to follow Aminata’s tale of a life of violence and misery, yet it was a journey that ended in freedom and the victory of voices being heard that should never have been silenced in the first place.

A remarkably endearing book. It comes highly recommended.

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Bad taste is better than no taste

About 2 years ago whilst shopping in Camden, getting – if I’m allowed to say – slightly indifferent to VINTAGEVINTAGEVINTAGE in my face, I went in to a little shop in Camden Lock called Your Eyes Lie. I think I almost hugged the door on the way in. Loads of unusual t-shirt designs, original jewellery and even a friendly sales assistant! Wowiiieee! I ended up having to do that sophie’s choice thing when you’ve found about 20 items you want, but can only afford 2.

They’ve now got concessions in Topshop and on ASOS, but they also have their own website www.youreyeslie.com and if you sign up you can get 10% off your order. Sorted.

I want these 3 tee’s

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